Be a Fighter, Not a Sufferer!

071I totally gave up on writing a post today due to the lack of any inspiration around me but fortunately or unfortunately may be, I did find something. I was doing my usual writing and reading stuff in my room when I heard my mom talking to her close friend over a call about domestic violence which of course alerted my ears. So, I eavesdropped (hate to say that), but I couldn’t contain my curiosity so I asked my mother for the details and I got to know that my mother’s friend has been a victim of domestic violence and is now on anti-depressants. Last night, her husband had hit her again but this time it surpassed her tolerance level so she called the police. (But like any other respectable family the matter subdued without much tumult).  Imagine a upper middle class family which seems quite ordinary to any pair of eyes in social gatherings has a deep secret like this, what should I say they are good at camouflaging secrets?. 

Domestic Violence is not a country specific issue, it is encountered everyday by number of females living in different corners of the world. I was keen on writing on this topic all the more because I am currently reading a book called My Feudal Lord which is a real account of Tehmina Durrani who was battered and tortured for many years by her husband Ghulam Mustafa Khar who happened to be the former Chief Minister and Governor of Punjab in Pakistan.  Like many women she also kept mum to such atrocities for various reasons. She eventually got divorced though.

In my belief, there is no reason (small or big) under the sun that permits you to let anybody hit you constantly, that too somebody who is supposed to provide you security. At times women may be wrong and may not oblige with the code of conduct laid by the husband, but, raising a hand on a woman or any living being for that matter in any circumstance is an act of cowardice. And I feel more angry not on the one who starts the violence but who accepts it without any attempt of refusal.  For those who suffers silently are the greatest sinners than the ones who cause the sufferings, as quoted in the Holy Book of Bhagwad Gita.  

What are these women afraid of anyway? Nowadays even society is open to help them. I asked my mother to help her out, and she replied “Well I can’t until she herself is ready to rise against it.  I will be seen as somebody poking nose in somebody’s family matter.”

I certainly believe gone are the days when women were totally dependable on their husbands and crap. If you aren’t earning there is a word called ‘Alimony’ and ‘Maintenance money’ after divorce which is enough to give chills to any married men. Plus all that social stigma they go through as the battered female will receive all the sympathy of the world. Any female who has come out of this hell and made a living on her own earns my respect but not the ones who are being silent sufferers as you will always be blamed for being one. And if you really want to be a sufferer at least be a smart one, keep a pepper spray! Remember men’s private part hurts them the most. I would surely wouldn’t prefer living in such tragedy and keep an account of my beatings so that I can write a biography later on.

Break the shell and see how wonderful it is to live like a human being.

14 thoughts on “Be a Fighter, Not a Sufferer!”

  1. The harsh reality is nicely portrayed in this article by you and covers some strong emotions also. The article connects all the dots, my feudal lord (the book) and the incident you witnessed, is nicely explained.
    I just want to add that we say all the time to “be strong and fight”, I know it is easier said than done but you shouldn’t sacrifice your dreams, your hope, and your dignity just to keep your loved ones happy or to keep the society happy.

  2. some how, a lot of hypocrisy/double standards and narrow mindedness has crept into our society deeply and increasing as we are apparently becoming more “modern” ..what you described here is another manifestation of the same….

    1. Hypocrisy and narrow-mindedness have always been there in the society but some people choose not to come out of it, they just get used to it.

    1. Oh no of course not. He sexually assaulted me. I’m now happily engaged to my second daughters dad. I’m just fearful that he’ll try get in contact to see my first daughter (his daughter)

    2. Oh, I hope he repents for what he did. And don’t worry you have no reason to be afraid of, you have your family and all the strength to deal with it. Be Strong and Safe 🙂

  3. You spoke the truth and did not sugar coat it -which is needed sometimes. In most cases the women have such low esteem to begin with that the men are able to exploit it even more. We have been the silent friends of a few abused women and like your mother stated we can’t help until they are ready for the help. The biggest thing we could do is open our home to them as a safe haven. Thankfully we know of three women who eventually did leave their husbands and are enjoying a wonderful happy life. One was my sister – who thankfully now has a husband who is helping her to shed her old low esteem and builds her up. I pray some woman reads this article and gets out of a bad relationship!

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